Mad Mad World

Majority of us are sane until we receive that phone call, that is when you get to witness theatrics, acrobatics and antics that are out of this world: a window which was just shut a minute ago due to cold weather is yanked open while on phone, that is when owners of neck ties and shoes want to release their necks and feet from bondage respectively while on phone, in a matatu woe unto you if you are seated next to the window and they are  next ,  that is when they will want to reach over and struggle to open   that all this while stuck window open without much of an excuse,  some others give up their seats to standing passengers subconsciously just because he cannot take that call while seated, the call simply makes him loose his  mind. In the house it’s when suddenly they frantically search for the keys to the balcony or the front door, it’s as if they have realized they   are suffocating while on that call.

If that phone call finds you in a discussion, they will rudely cut you short and answer it without excusing themselves, poor you if you were delivering your key note speech others even interrupt church services and hitherto quite cinema halls with their phone answering mannerisms.

In the office others bolt from their desks shouting on the phone while descending downstairs, a calm collected soul not long ago suddenly springs to life with a booming voice that he could not master in the boss’s presence. In the car park they pace up and down as if standing still may disconnect that phone call, when they block your way and you want to go by, others thrust their hands for stop sign rudely like traffic police on your face thinking you are about to interrupt their animated conversation. And when that call is received while cooking, lo! God save us a fire coz that food will be long forgotten on the burner. the call receiver’s senses will be jolted only after the smell of burning food is emitted.

My first day in the Gym

We  were all busy lifting weight over  here and there, some guys still standing on the treadmill yet to make up their minds whether to switch the damn thing on or not, a pot bellied guy was groaning over his all over sudden shrunken t-shirt and at that moment is when she walked in strutting with her head held high, her thin anorexic like frame perched atop high heel stilettos and dangling a huge hand bag on her  equally thin hands (I wonder how they manage to carry such), we were all in owe, you could hear a pin drop at that moment since all activities had stopped all over sudden – what was she coming to do in the gym yet she was ‘’fit’’.

With our mouths still in ‘’o’’ mode she proceeded to the changing area wriggling her small frame out of her tight leggings and lo! She came out with the kind of shorts you see with Nivea advert models ( I think she thought at that moment that she could be one of them) her legs were long, full of tendons you had to use a microscope to make out a muscle and wonder of wonders she  donned a vest showing a showing her collar bone – I swear that depression at the collar bone was so deep it could act as a reservoir. All this time no one said a word not even from the gym instructor he too was in a lull like all of us, the spectacle before us had brought a massive confusion in the house. The lady seemed to enjoy all this attention she was receiving and when she moved to one of the treadmills at the corner, before stepping on the belt, she looked at us as if seeking an approval.

She hit the button and the thing moved, and then her thin frame responded, the spectacle was a kin to the metallic skeleton of the commando movie, and then she increased the tempo that is when our jaws dropped when she fell face down on the belt with a loud thud everyone ducked by instinct, the belt pushed her over the floor and in a quick rejoinder the gym instructor and all of us came to life and ran towards her thinking the worst. After flapping and pouring cold water on her, she came to life and all that the gym instructor asked her was ‘’would you like something to eat?